here's a weird incident that happened to me ytd.

i was on the bus to orchard to meet my gfs. first thing i noticed when i climbed up the stairs to the upper deck was this guy in red shirt looking at me. ok it's normal for ppl to look at who's coming up the stairs. so i sat down in an empty seat a few rows behind tt guy. after awhile i moved into the window seat cos i tot others mite need a seat.

a few stops later, weird guy turned ard n looked at duno-who. another few stops later, weird guy actually moved and sat next to me! gosh i was terrified. ok actually i wasn't, cos technically i'm an adult and adults aren't supposed to be terrified of other humans. but i was wary. i found it extremely weird that he had to shift seats to be next to me, so i kept glancing at him. and i didn't dare access my bag in case he snatched it or the stuff inside. he was young, but there was sth abt him that set him apart. he looked weird, carrying a bottle, newspapers and a bag of duno-what which he plopped on the floor. and he was fidgety. and he kept looking around. he was so sneaky i was worried he was a thief or pervert or sth to tt effect.

so my heart actually leaped when he tapped my bag (which was on my lap). i removed 1 earpiece of my ipod to hear what he had to say. instead he showed me a piece of paper in his wallet, which was old and crumply despite the scotch-tape lamination, and covered with handwriting. i couldn't really see so i took it from him and scanned though what it said.

"Melvin duno-wat-surname has a problem communicating with people. He cannot speak properly. Do not give him money. He has some money. Please assist him in getting home."
Below it was a long list of bus numbers and behind it was his address, i presume, and it read bukit merah central.

i handed him back the paper and resumed my ipodding cos i didn't know how to respond. he kept making weird gestures, like shaking his hands in the air and touching his chin, the way ppl do to show they're pondering. i was relieved when he reached to press the bell, but after that i realised he didn't press it and continued sitting beside (and terrorising) me.

a few stops later, i tried to talk to him.
"i think it's still a long way off. Bukit Merah right?"

he looked ahead and didn't respond. gosh, i then suspected he was deaf or couldn't understand me so i gave up trying to talk to him. i couldn't bear his fidgety actions at every stop altho i think he was just trying to figure out where to alight. and he kept looking over, partly cos the window was at my side. after what seemed like a long while of me trying to ignore him, he opened his childish velcro-type wallet again, tapped me and pointed to that piece of paper. this time i shook my hands in his fashion and shook my head to try to tell him i didn't know. i was so tempted to point him to another person so he wouldn't bug me anymore but i didn't.

and i was so disturbed by him i couldn't wait to bolt. i was worried i'd have a problem getting past him to alight when it was my stop and i contemplated changing seats or going downstairs first to wait for my stop but i just stayed put. it seemed like an eternity cos my bus route was diverted due to the F1 race road closures.

thankfully, he shifted to the seat in front of mine, just 1 stop before i reached my destination. thank goodness. he must have given up on me. but i was puzzled why he chose an empty seat - he should have chosen his next target to consult!

it was like liberation when i finally got out of that bus, sweating all over. my, i felt sorry for that poor fellow and i certainly hope he found his way home but i honestly did not know where bukit merah was and i was really quite scared of him. plus i didn't know how to communicate with him. i felt bad but at least i tried.

wants to learn to play the guitar and the flute.

wants to ride a camel.

and still can't wait to go to Egypt.

不说出的温柔 (范逸臣)

你是否忘记了
那时候的笑容
如果我已不在你心中
舍不得为什么
你说过的以后
留下我能不能圆梦
那天空云很多
看不见你的轮廓
只剩下太多来不及说
(是我你好吗
没什么事
只是想知道你好不好
这是我最后一次打给你了
希望你好好照顾自己)
不说出的温柔
让你离开我
我以为你都会懂
等着你
我才发现难过
很难说有没有
想念过你的手
可能是我不愿去触碰
不记得本来你
有没有擦口红
反正是我已经错过
那天空云很多
看不见你的轮廓
剩下太多来不及说
想哭的冲动
开始在失去以后
才等着你的手
拥抱我的寂寞
该说的时候
早应该大声的说
那种认真的沉默
弄巧成拙
不说出的温柔
让你离开我
我以为你都会懂
想哭的冲动
开始在失去以后
已经擦干了泪
为何还有点痛
该说的时候
早应该大声的说
爱已经留下缺口
剩下沉默
不说出的温柔
让你离开我
去拥抱你要的梦
别担心我
我会好好过


always thought this song is very sad but meaningful. don't mind me being emo again cos i have every right to.

as i always said, bad things always happen together. it has to be at least a double whammy. maybe that's god's way of testing the spirit.

i can feel age catching up with me. maybe it was the 4 consecutive nights of sleeping at 3+ or 4+am. but today i felt like i could fall asleep anywhere, at any time. i took the risk of listening to the lecture with my eyes closed, but had to struggle to snap back to reality before i drifted off into dreamland. i took a nap during break time but during the later lect and even on the train i had difficulty staying awake. oh wells.

am increasingly becoming laissez-faire where work is concerned. there simply isn't enough time and energy to spare, not that i'm not trying.

maybe the feeling is just jaded, or 郁闷, as the chinese would say.